Day -4 I think!!!

Well its actually the day that I have been dreading ever since Tuesday happened. I had said that I wanted to just sleep through it and then I remembered that I didn't because we weren't celebrating the fact that Spencer wasn't with us we were celebrating the time he did spend with us.

So how do I feel?? I don't know. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow if that's what you mean. I wish I could go back to when I still had my 3 month old little boy and we didn't have to deal with the depressing stuff.

Anyway, so I went out with some people from Minneapolis. It was so nice to get out and have some fun. Every time I think about the fact that I am having fun I feel guilty for doing it and then I have to have people tell me that it's ok to have fun because Spencer wouldn't want me to be sad all the time.

I am not looking forward to tomorrow and I probably will have to force myself to eat tomorrow just because I will be so sad. But everyone will be there. And I am going back to Minneapolis on Monday. Don't know when I will be back. That's the wonderful thing, I don't have to be back at a certain time or on a certain day. I am still on leave so I can make up my own schedule.

Well anyway, I just thought I would check in.