Another Bad Day!!!
(The bulk of this is from Last night...I have been in my apartment since Friday night and I am actually ok with the idea of it itself and getting used to it being so quiet.)
It's so amazing!!!
It's so amazing how self-centered some people can be, especially when it comes to talking about their newborn, even when they know you are grieving. Though, it came from this person and I have to say it didn't totally surprise me. She has been self-centered as long as I have known her, which was before her little girl was even thought of. I knew it was going to be hard to see her and her little baby today but then when she started making everyone focus on her and how hard her life had become and how her baby's father was going to come back and take the little girl from my "friend" (I use the word very loosely.) That's when it became basically unbearable. Luckily, I had my mom with me and she kept making eye contact with me and finally came up with a way to get me away from the table.
It's so amazing how just that little bit of time with her made me feel like I was going to explode into a fury of anger right there in front of all of my church family and this girl. Luckily, I was pulled away before I could do that and when I came back she was gone. I went to the bathroom and cried so hard. I cried because I felt like maybe I should just have a shirt made that says: "Please excuse me if I don't engage in your conversation about your baby but I just let mine go to heaven 3 weeks ago and I don't really feel ready to talk about babies right now."
It made me feel absolutely horrible for the rest of the day...so I sat in my apartment feeling horrible.
Oh well, I had to let my junk from today out somewhere.
posted by Jasmine @ 3:11 AM
4 comments
4 Comments:
I'm so sorry about that experience Jasmine, I know it must have been just horrible, although I cannot comprehend what you were feeling at the moment. I'm so very sorry for everything you're going through right now, but just think how much fun little Spencer is having at the moment! He's finally able to run around and play, something he could never do here. And his love for his dear mommy will never fade :)
Katelyn
Hello Jasmine,
Wow, for such a young girl, you've been through quite a lot. To refresh your memory, our son, Atticus was Spencer's bunk mate in ICC for a while. I can't imagine how diffiicult this has been for you. The whole ordeal was hard enough for me and I've got a good 10 years on you, live in town, and had my family and friends nearby. From what I could tell, you were so strong and handled the situation as well and much better than most would. I heard of Spencer passing away through the grapevine from Jodi. I was absolutely stuptified. I was in total shock, have grieved for you and Spencer, and have thought so much about you. I think everything in life happens for a reason. We may not understand it now or ever, but it comforts me. The anger you feel is completely normal and will take a long time to go away. It's good to be aware of it and to just let yourself feel all the emotions of losing someone so close to you. It toke me a good 3+ years to sort out all my feelings from my father committing suicide years ago. I like to imagine all my passed loved ones hanging out together and taking care of each other's souls. I didn't get to know you much but wanted you to know that I've thought alot about you along with my husband, Jim. Please email me if you'd like to talk....I'd love to hear from you.
Love,
Amy
amy@1543ad.com
Hi Jasmine! Thanks for your comments on our blog; Spencer's blog is beautiful. Thanks for sharing your story with us. Our hearts break imagining what you must be going through, though I know we could never know that sorrow that you are feeling. Know that you and your famiy are in our prayers and in our hearts. We'll keep reading the blog. Thanks again.
Love, Kirsten, Robert, and Samuel Buck
Jasmine,
I am sorry Spencer's link did not get added to Asher's friends sooner. For some reason I thought I had already added it, but my old internet connection was so bad that even when I attempted to do things, it didn't always work (so happy to have DSL again!). Thank you for following Asher and Jacob's story. I have been and will continue to keep you in my prayers.
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